Wartime Diaries. Entry 1
Random notes from the Underground
Kyiv. The eternal Kyiv. The capital of Freedom. The 573rd day of war. Kyiv. You still stand, and you stand tall and brave, as you always did. Through the centuries, through countless wars and invasions, through countless attempts to eliminate you, to enslave you, to bring you on your knees. You stand tall and proud, invincible and unbreakable, no matter what. The capital of Heroes.
War. What is it in this word to you? Fear? Suffering? Bombs falling from the sky? Armies deployment, modern weapons, reviewing the state borders, international order, and common sense? A test to humanity?
All of that. And none of that. To me, like to the millions of other Ukrainians, the war has become a grim reality. 573 days of a full-scale invasion as they call it in the international media when they’re reluctant or flat out scared to call things what they actually are. Over nine years of war since russia annexed Crimea and invaded Donbas region. And in the reality, it’s been a centuries long war russia wages against us. To eliminate us. To bring us to our knees. To make us like them. But it never worked and it’s still not working.
A warm and sunny September day in Kyiv. People are running their errands, heading to work, having their afternoon coffee on the coffee shop terraces filled with bright and somehow chilly autumn sun. Winter is close and you can already feel its light breathing in the air even though people are still wearing shorts. An ordinary seemingly peaceful day. Only there is one “but”. It’s war. Day 573 of war. The full-scale one when they started bombing our cities on dawn when people were sleeping. But the City still stands and lives its life. Its booming beautiful life.
I am one of those Kyiv residents walking down the street today. I am at home here yet I feel like a foreigner. I was born and raised here but I haven’t lived here for the last almost six years.
Kyiv. You haven’t changed a bit. Yet you’ve changed so immensely. At the same time. It’s such a paradox. You’re grimmer now. Your brow is furrowed. Even though your energy is so vibrant and so warm.
I’m walking to the library. I’m grabbing my afternoon coffee. I’m observing people in the streets and I’m looking in these faces. Faces of soldiers. Tired yet so strong and beautiful, in their dusty field uniforms. Their face smile but their eyes are full of sorrow and something we, ordinary people, may have never seen and knew. They know something we don’t. But some of us do. Sadly…
Kyiv is beautiful. When you’re walking down the street on a sunny day like today it may seem there’s no war. And one may want to forget for a moment there is actually a war raging. The city is so vibrant and the warm September sun makes you want to forget there are bombs falling somewhere right now.
I am walking down the street observing people, observing the City, taking it in slowly. It’s hustling and bustling. I’m enjoying my coffee and my City. And then suddenly — this sharp and shrill sound. An air raid siren. Loud, alarming. Every nerve in your body senses it. You pause for a moment. “Warning! Warning! An air raid alert! Please, take cover!”. You pause for a moment together with your city. And then you breathe in and out again, and you just keep walking. The city continues its life. Someone heads to the closest subway which has already become a shelter for so many. Some people remain outside defying the air raid and all the dangers of ballistic missiles Russians sending to us. Defying the entire idea of surrendering to fear. Some businesses close. Public transportation stops. Just the subway keeps running. Some businesses are still open though. I’m feeling uneasy but decide to remain outside. I don’t want to take cover. I don’t want to go underground. Not on a sunny and bright day like this. So I remain outside.
The city continues its life yet it is getting so all and silent. So alarmingly silent. There’s a thick heavy feeling hanging in the crisp autumn air. A feeling of distant yet so real danger. And of defiance.
I am looking up in the sky over me. It’s so clear. So blue. It’s hard to imagine a missile can be striking through it soon bringing death and destruction with it. You just refuse to believe it. That such a beautiful clear and blue sky may pose such a danger to you.
I am looking in the sky and waiting for a missile. The sky over me remains clear. It is smiling upon me. And Kyiv is smiling. Even though there is an air raid. A danger of ballistic missiles…
A ballistic missile is incredibly fast. It takes it just a few minutes to reach its destination with its deadly blow and oftentimes it is nearly impossible to intercept it. Yet nobody is scared. Not anymore. The city lives. And I decide to remain outside too.
I keep walking down the streets, through the silent Downtown. Walking under the clear sky that can pose such danger this time. Once, I saw a missile flying right over my head. I haven’t spent the first months of war here, but when I returned I saw them. A slick and shining elongated body of a missile, reflecting sunshine in the blue sky, flying through the sky further, bringing the breath of death with it. A terrible bird made of metal and explosive materials. With its own mind, it knows its destination and it flies there. Until it’s hit over the city. But those moments when you see it in the sky imprint in your memory.
Missiles and bombs seem to not scare people here that much anymore. Everyone got used to them. Everyone developed their own defence mechanisms. And it seems that I did too. Even though I haven’t spent that much time here yet.
The city is silent. It feels like it’s calm before the storm for some reason. Yet this time, the danger was over. “The sirens are clear, and you can leave the bomb shelter.” The danger is over. No missiles hit us, no bombs dropped on our heads this time. The danger was over and the city quickly returned to its normal daily life with its hustle and bustle. And streams of people with summer smiles in then streets of Kyiv returned to their lives. The danger is over. Kyiv stands. It always stood, it withstood so much, it keeps standing, and it will be standing. Until the end of times.
Kyiv. The capital of Freedom. My bravest beautiful City.
Kyiv, Ukraine. 18 September 2023
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